I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
