I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I want a musical about memes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
