I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
