I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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