I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
