Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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