You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
