I think I won the penis lottery.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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