mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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