Well apparently he's into motor boating.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
