I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
