Can Purell be used as lube?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
