She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
