Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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