i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
