stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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