I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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