I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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