And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
