I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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