i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
