I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
