For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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