I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
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