i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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