Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
