I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
