im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
