im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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