yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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