Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
