I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
