I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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