I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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