i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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