so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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