I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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