That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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