soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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