I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
