First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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