i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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