Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
