i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
