yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
