So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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