dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just found puke in my bra..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
