after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
