i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
