I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
