so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
