We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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