I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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