dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
