Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
