So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
