i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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