How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
