So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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