his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
