I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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