So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
