at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
