nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize