When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I could make wine with my vomit
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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