I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
