Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
