I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
