when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
