Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
