Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
