I wannas sexs uuuuu
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
