We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
