I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
