You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
